I just discovered a new movie, titled "About Ray", premiering Sept 8, about a girl (Elle Fanning) who transitions to a boy, and how her Mom (Naomi Watts) and lesbian grandmother (Susan Sarandon) handle the situation.
The trailer brought tears to my eyes, as there are typical scenarios that hit home, but I'm glad that the general public will be able to see what it's like for our kids to handle this journey.
You can see the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S8HVoWm9ec
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Monday, June 29, 2015
An Addendum
In my most recent post, I may have given the impression that young kids don't know that they are transgender, and I want to make sure that my statement is clear.
I do believe that most transgender people know they are different from a very young age. My concern is with what we do with and to them in the interim before they become adults.
I've recently had a chance to speak with some lovely trans youths, most around the age of 17-25, and it saddens me to see how they are struggling with making the enormous changes in their lives. Many of them are now seeking hormone therapy to help them become their true selves, and I try to offer resources to competent professionals whenever I can.
But oddly, it's the Anti-vaccine people who stick in my head throughout all of this. I do believe in vaccinations for children, although I'm not entirely sure that a massive dose of combination drugs is good for any child, and that the schedule needs some revision. I feel the same way about hormone blockers, or puberty blockers.
AND again, from my own experience...My son had to sit through a litany of potential side effects, some fatal, as explained by his endocrinologist, before receiving testosterone therapy. That was downright scary for a parent! If you're not concerned that these medications (which are fairly new) can cause harm to your child, then maybe you DO need more time to spend with therapists, and with trained professionals who can help better assess the risks. And there are many risks.
If a young girl who identifies as a boy, begins puberty blockers, and subsequently begins Testosterone therapy, she has a good chance of permanent damage to her reproduction system. If she changes her mind, she may never be able to have children. If a male child begins estrogen treatment, he may never be able to father a child. These are the issues that young children, are not able to fully comprehend, which is why I advocate for therapeutic treatment before hormone treatment.
Ok, let the hate speech begin.
I do believe that most transgender people know they are different from a very young age. My concern is with what we do with and to them in the interim before they become adults.
I've recently had a chance to speak with some lovely trans youths, most around the age of 17-25, and it saddens me to see how they are struggling with making the enormous changes in their lives. Many of them are now seeking hormone therapy to help them become their true selves, and I try to offer resources to competent professionals whenever I can.
But oddly, it's the Anti-vaccine people who stick in my head throughout all of this. I do believe in vaccinations for children, although I'm not entirely sure that a massive dose of combination drugs is good for any child, and that the schedule needs some revision. I feel the same way about hormone blockers, or puberty blockers.
AND again, from my own experience...My son had to sit through a litany of potential side effects, some fatal, as explained by his endocrinologist, before receiving testosterone therapy. That was downright scary for a parent! If you're not concerned that these medications (which are fairly new) can cause harm to your child, then maybe you DO need more time to spend with therapists, and with trained professionals who can help better assess the risks. And there are many risks.
If a young girl who identifies as a boy, begins puberty blockers, and subsequently begins Testosterone therapy, she has a good chance of permanent damage to her reproduction system. If she changes her mind, she may never be able to have children. If a male child begins estrogen treatment, he may never be able to father a child. These are the issues that young children, are not able to fully comprehend, which is why I advocate for therapeutic treatment before hormone treatment.
Ok, let the hate speech begin.
Saturday, June 20, 2015
Feedback
Well, it appears that my last post was taken entirely wrong, but thanks to the feedback of some folks, I'd like to clarify...It's a shame that folks didn't have the courage to address me here, rather they chose to bully me in what I considered a "safe environment" in the form of a Facebook group. I've since left the group, since my opinion was not only unwanted, but targeted as some form of hatred. I have a right to my opinion, this is my blog, if you don't agree, move along.
I am in NO way judging the actions of other parents in their quest to support their children. I applaud them wholeheartedly for that.
I AM however, worried that many physicians and psychologists have not had the proper experience or exposure to properly diagnose gender dysphoria (and I never said Transgender and Gender Dysphoria are interchangeable, I specifically said that GD is the terminology that's used for medical diagnosis, to reflect someone who is uncomfortable living in the body they currently own) often times we just refer to it as transgender but there is a difference.
When we first met with our Endocrinologist, he hadn't much experience with gender dysphoria. However, he did his due diligence, and in order to provide a prescription for my son, he diagnosed him with a testicular deficiency (naturally, since he didn't have testes). But he didn't immediately suggest any hormone therapy. He took time to send my son for blood work, consult with his therapist, and ultimately decided since my son had been living as a boy for over a year, that hormone therapy was the next step.
If you have read any of this blog before, you will see that I advocate for solid therapeutic treatment for a transgender person of any age, prior to hormone replacement, and I will continue to believe this is a very good thing. *(If you can't or won't commit to giving your child six or more months of therapy to sort out their feelings, regardless of whether it's gender related, then yes, I do consider you a bad parent. Don't tell me that you can't afford it, there are more than enough free counseling services available, and all children should have the support that they need regardless of their "condition".)
My concern here is mostly regarding the unscrupulous "professionals" who, like those that improperly diagnose a wide array of "conditions" like ADD, Asperger's, etc, etc. that our kids may be given a less than thorough evaluation, and less than adequate care. There seems to be a habit among physicians to hand us a "magic pill" and send us out the door these days.
I in no way intended to disparage those parents who have done their due diligence, and arrived at a happy outcome. I hope that this clarifies my position a little bit, but as I said, this is only my opinion and I'm not a medical professional, nor am I speaking for anyone else's experience but my own.
Having said that, please read on, and remember that I wish you all the best in your journeys to find the true self.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Can your 9 year old really be transgender?
*Just to note; My experience is not necessarily the experience of any other family, every one will be different. The bottom line here is that it takes TIME for our kids to discover themselves, and a good year of work with a qualified and experienced therapist is the best medicine.*
Well, I'll probably get a bit of heat for this post, but I feel this must be addressed. I see so many parents with young children (under 12) who are dealing with gender dysphoria, that I felt compelled to offer my two cents, and I will do so in the simplest terms.
First, let me remind myself (and others) that a gender dysphoria diagnosis requires a "persistent, insistent and consistent" desire to live as the gender opposite from which one was assigned at birth. (or which biological sex that person is appropriated) This term is used by medical professionals, rather than the term "transgender" so as to adhere to the DSM diagnostic standard.
Now, let me give you a little back story about my son...
When he was two, he wore his grandmother's nightgown, and carefully inspected the (missing) genitalia of baby dolls, at four, he played with Tonka Trucks. By third grade, he hated school, but I think he mostly hated being forced to wear girl's clothing, and by 7th grade he was an utter mess.
Now, we didn't have a name for it then, but my son was transgender. IF someone had suggested this to me during third grade, I would have stoned them. But, looking back, I can see that he had identity issues all along. However, this didn't prevent him from becoming an excellent student, a curious and engaged member of society, and a wonderful big brother. He just did all that as a girl for the first 15 years of his life.
It wasn't until that 7th grade graduation that I realized something was wrong, and HE had finally found a name for it, that he didn't even share with me until two years later.
OK, so this is old news, and what does it have to do with a nine year old transgender child? EVERYTHING!
If my "daughter" had told me in no uncertain terms at the age of nine that he was a boy, I would have probably just chalked it up to a phase and let him go on with his life. And yes, if persistent, I would have investigated further by the age of 13.
But looking back, I can see NO reason why making any change to his life prior to that age would have benefited him at all. His peers knew him as a girl, and that was hard enough, his teachers weren't all too accepting of a kid who was a little "different" in his artistic and creative manner, and I think I would have done him a great dis-service to single him out among peers by labeling him as Transgender.
In retrospect, I believe that HIS realization that there was a WORD to describe his feelings and HIS decision to come out, was far more cathartic than any label I could have given him. And though he may have benefited from an earlier intervention, I wasn't fully aware of his gender identity until he was well into his 15th year.
I believe that our (trans) kids will TELL us in the most direct way, when they are fully capable of understanding their circumstances, that they KNOW who they are. And sadly, I hesitate to think that most nine year-olds have that capacity.
It's interesting to note that in some court cases in this state, a judge will hear testimony from a child of 14 years in regards to parental/guardianship rulings, and consider 14 to be an "age of reason". I have to admit I agree.
Now to the part where I may get beat up...
It seems like parents of transgender children are just popping up like Lily of the Valley, everywhere these days. I find it hard to fathom that there are SO many trans kids, (under 14) and that there are SO many doctors willing to provide hormone blockers for the duration of puberty. Yes, I can understand that this therapy works well in conjunction with ongoing treatment from a qualified mental health professional, but I don't believe it's the first course of treatment. A solid year of work with a qualified therapist, who has experience with gender dysphoria and who supports a child living as their "true" self is a good start. *
(In full disclosure, I've always been suspicious of Big Pharma, and suspect that docs who prescribe hormone blockers are getting their usual kickbacks from the drug companies that provide them.)
My son and I have had many discussions on this topic, and while he identifies not as transgender, but only as male, he does have a bit of insight into the trans population. And he actually agrees with me on one point...that kids can be labeled as transgender, but they could very well be mis-identified as gender fluid, or gender binary in the process. And I have to suggest, they could also just be gender curious, as I was as a child. I always wanted to be "one of the guys" but it didn't happen, and I eventually got over it.
My take on it is like this...if a kid acts up in school, they're labeled with ADD, they act up in social situations? Labeled with Asperger's. Act like a girl or a boy? Labeled as transgender. Where does it end? Why are parents so willing to put a label on kids to describe their beautiful, wonderful differences? Maybe your son LOVES to dress up in girls clothing, maybe he's very sensitive to his feminine surroundings, and wants to adopt a feminine name...That's FANTASTIC, but it doesn't mean he's transgender. He could be gender fluid, or even (gasp) gay! Or maybe just sensitive to the women around him?? Would that be so bad?
Why the labels? Why at nine years old? That's my issue.
I know that people say we have a strong gender identity at a young age, but guess what...we don't. I'm almost 50 and I still don't know from one day to the next if I want to be a man or a woman, but I don't go out and get medication for it. I just am, and I love being who I am, and I want all our kids to just be who they are, too.
*Mental health professionals who specialize in gender dysphoria are widely available in the U.S. and most physicians recommend a minimum of six months work with a qualified therapist before beginning any course of hormone treatment.
Well, I'll probably get a bit of heat for this post, but I feel this must be addressed. I see so many parents with young children (under 12) who are dealing with gender dysphoria, that I felt compelled to offer my two cents, and I will do so in the simplest terms.
First, let me remind myself (and others) that a gender dysphoria diagnosis requires a "persistent, insistent and consistent" desire to live as the gender opposite from which one was assigned at birth. (or which biological sex that person is appropriated) This term is used by medical professionals, rather than the term "transgender" so as to adhere to the DSM diagnostic standard.
Now, let me give you a little back story about my son...
When he was two, he wore his grandmother's nightgown, and carefully inspected the (missing) genitalia of baby dolls, at four, he played with Tonka Trucks. By third grade, he hated school, but I think he mostly hated being forced to wear girl's clothing, and by 7th grade he was an utter mess.
Now, we didn't have a name for it then, but my son was transgender. IF someone had suggested this to me during third grade, I would have stoned them. But, looking back, I can see that he had identity issues all along. However, this didn't prevent him from becoming an excellent student, a curious and engaged member of society, and a wonderful big brother. He just did all that as a girl for the first 15 years of his life.
It wasn't until that 7th grade graduation that I realized something was wrong, and HE had finally found a name for it, that he didn't even share with me until two years later.
OK, so this is old news, and what does it have to do with a nine year old transgender child? EVERYTHING!
If my "daughter" had told me in no uncertain terms at the age of nine that he was a boy, I would have probably just chalked it up to a phase and let him go on with his life. And yes, if persistent, I would have investigated further by the age of 13.
But looking back, I can see NO reason why making any change to his life prior to that age would have benefited him at all. His peers knew him as a girl, and that was hard enough, his teachers weren't all too accepting of a kid who was a little "different" in his artistic and creative manner, and I think I would have done him a great dis-service to single him out among peers by labeling him as Transgender.
In retrospect, I believe that HIS realization that there was a WORD to describe his feelings and HIS decision to come out, was far more cathartic than any label I could have given him. And though he may have benefited from an earlier intervention, I wasn't fully aware of his gender identity until he was well into his 15th year.
I believe that our (trans) kids will TELL us in the most direct way, when they are fully capable of understanding their circumstances, that they KNOW who they are. And sadly, I hesitate to think that most nine year-olds have that capacity.
It's interesting to note that in some court cases in this state, a judge will hear testimony from a child of 14 years in regards to parental/guardianship rulings, and consider 14 to be an "age of reason". I have to admit I agree.
Now to the part where I may get beat up...
It seems like parents of transgender children are just popping up like Lily of the Valley, everywhere these days. I find it hard to fathom that there are SO many trans kids, (under 14) and that there are SO many doctors willing to provide hormone blockers for the duration of puberty. Yes, I can understand that this therapy works well in conjunction with ongoing treatment from a qualified mental health professional, but I don't believe it's the first course of treatment. A solid year of work with a qualified therapist, who has experience with gender dysphoria and who supports a child living as their "true" self is a good start. *
(In full disclosure, I've always been suspicious of Big Pharma, and suspect that docs who prescribe hormone blockers are getting their usual kickbacks from the drug companies that provide them.)
My son and I have had many discussions on this topic, and while he identifies not as transgender, but only as male, he does have a bit of insight into the trans population. And he actually agrees with me on one point...that kids can be labeled as transgender, but they could very well be mis-identified as gender fluid, or gender binary in the process. And I have to suggest, they could also just be gender curious, as I was as a child. I always wanted to be "one of the guys" but it didn't happen, and I eventually got over it.
My take on it is like this...if a kid acts up in school, they're labeled with ADD, they act up in social situations? Labeled with Asperger's. Act like a girl or a boy? Labeled as transgender. Where does it end? Why are parents so willing to put a label on kids to describe their beautiful, wonderful differences? Maybe your son LOVES to dress up in girls clothing, maybe he's very sensitive to his feminine surroundings, and wants to adopt a feminine name...That's FANTASTIC, but it doesn't mean he's transgender. He could be gender fluid, or even (gasp) gay! Or maybe just sensitive to the women around him?? Would that be so bad?
Why the labels? Why at nine years old? That's my issue.
I know that people say we have a strong gender identity at a young age, but guess what...we don't. I'm almost 50 and I still don't know from one day to the next if I want to be a man or a woman, but I don't go out and get medication for it. I just am, and I love being who I am, and I want all our kids to just be who they are, too.
*Mental health professionals who specialize in gender dysphoria are widely available in the U.S. and most physicians recommend a minimum of six months work with a qualified therapist before beginning any course of hormone treatment.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Are you ready to parent a transgender child?
So I've recently seen quite a few parents deal with the very early stages of transition for their children. And I had to wonder, if you all knew what you were getting into? I think we're never prepared for every little glitch along the way, but I thought it might be a good idea to offer some food for thought.
You may want to ask yourself, first, how committed you are to supporting your child's transition;
*Are you able/willing to seek out a counselor who has solid experience with transgender issues? Will you be able to travel if they're not local? Is it affordable? Most good therapists will recommend that your child live as their preferred gender for a year, and continue counseling throughout that period, before referring them to an endocrinologist.
*Is there an experienced endocrinologist in your area? Is it affordable? Hormone therapy is generally not covered by insurance for the purpose of treating gender dysphoria. Even some of the lab tests are not covered, and can be very pricey.
*Hormones; Is your child willing to self inject the hormones every week for the rest of their lives? Is it affordable? We are lucky to have a doc who prescribes smaller amounts of testosterone every few months so it's not a big hit, but generally a six month dose costs around $100 in the U.S. The needles, however, are covered.
And that's just the nuts-and-bolts of it.
After that first year, and upon receiving hormone treatment, you may be faced with a legal name change, change in social security cards, school records, etc. etc.
Then there's the transition itself. Are you able to accept that your child is no longer a boy/girl? Are you able to gain acceptance from your family, friends and community? What will life look like a year from now? Two? Twenty?
If it sounds like I'm being negative about the process, trust me I am not. I am, however, hoping that parents will think very carefully about their OWN situation, as well as their child's. I think all too often we neglect our own needs and abilities in an effort to be a good, supportive parent to our kids, no matter who they are, or who they want to be.
Please check out my "resources" tab, for links to info and sites that you may find useful.
Best of luck on your journey together!
Lee
You may want to ask yourself, first, how committed you are to supporting your child's transition;
*Are you able/willing to seek out a counselor who has solid experience with transgender issues? Will you be able to travel if they're not local? Is it affordable? Most good therapists will recommend that your child live as their preferred gender for a year, and continue counseling throughout that period, before referring them to an endocrinologist.
*Is there an experienced endocrinologist in your area? Is it affordable? Hormone therapy is generally not covered by insurance for the purpose of treating gender dysphoria. Even some of the lab tests are not covered, and can be very pricey.
*Hormones; Is your child willing to self inject the hormones every week for the rest of their lives? Is it affordable? We are lucky to have a doc who prescribes smaller amounts of testosterone every few months so it's not a big hit, but generally a six month dose costs around $100 in the U.S. The needles, however, are covered.
And that's just the nuts-and-bolts of it.
After that first year, and upon receiving hormone treatment, you may be faced with a legal name change, change in social security cards, school records, etc. etc.
Then there's the transition itself. Are you able to accept that your child is no longer a boy/girl? Are you able to gain acceptance from your family, friends and community? What will life look like a year from now? Two? Twenty?
If it sounds like I'm being negative about the process, trust me I am not. I am, however, hoping that parents will think very carefully about their OWN situation, as well as their child's. I think all too often we neglect our own needs and abilities in an effort to be a good, supportive parent to our kids, no matter who they are, or who they want to be.
Please check out my "resources" tab, for links to info and sites that you may find useful.
Best of luck on your journey together!
Lee
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Must See Video!
Sam Killermann of Guidetogender.com has an excellent Ted Talk video, that is a "must see" for, well just about everyone.
It's not only very informative, but highly entertaining as well.
Watch it here http://www.guidetogender.com/2013/10/15/my-tedxtalk-understanding-the-complexities-of-gender-with-full-transcript/
It's not only very informative, but highly entertaining as well.
Watch it here http://www.guidetogender.com/2013/10/15/my-tedxtalk-understanding-the-complexities-of-gender-with-full-transcript/
Spring Cleaning!
I've refreshed the blog with a lighter theme, hopefully to make it more reader-friendly. I have also made it possible to post moderated comments without having a google account, and added the ability to follow this blog via your email. I hope this makes it a bit easier for everyone to stay in touch. Thanks for visiting!
Lee
Lee
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