Must See Video!

Sam Killermann of Guidetogender.com has an excellent Ted Talk video, that is a "must see" for, well just about everyone.
It's not only very informative, but highly entertaining as well.

Watch it here http://www.guidetogender.com/2013/10/15/my-tedxtalk-understanding-the-complexities-of-gender-with-full-transcript/

Spring Cleaning!

I've refreshed the blog with a lighter theme, hopefully to make it more reader-friendly. I have also made it possible to post moderated comments without having a google account, and added the ability to follow this blog via your email. I hope this makes it a bit easier for everyone to stay in touch. Thanks for visiting!

Lee

Can we, should we- create our own reality?

Or...Why it's OK to let our kids create their own.

I'm noticing many parents of transgender kids worrying that their children suffer from depression, anxiety, even self harm, and they describe many of the same behaviours that my son displays. Keeping to themselves, wanting to stay in their room, not having a social life, a job, a drivers license.

And I wonder what percentage of them play video games? And here's why.

I too suffer from depression and anxiety, and I think I've discovered why. I think too much, and I feel too much. And sometimes the world just takes too much courage to confront, and “reality”* just tears out my heart. It makes me sad, it makes me angry, and sometimes just downright too tired to care.

People laugh when I tell them I'm a video game addict. After all, I'm a Mom with three grown children. They don't believe me, or they think I have some serious mental health issues. Well, maybe the latter is true. But escaping to the virtual realms in games like World of Warcraft, or Skyrim, not only offer me a break from the everyday world, but allows me to be in charge of my existence in that virtual world. And that kind of power can restore some of the courage that I need to face the challenges of every day “reality”.

So I wonder, since almost every person I've met in the LGBT community, particularly transgender people, are some of the most highly intelligent, sensitive and creative people...can their uniqueness actually be a result of their greater sense of self?

I know this is dangerous water I'm treading, but if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I realize that my son, who is transgender, has a far superior ability to regulate his emotional state than I do. He knows when to shut out the “real world” and soothe his anxiety in the most positive way. He is more self aware than any other “normal adult” that he's expected to emulate. And I have to question if even his discovery of his gender identity was predetermined simply because of his creative mind?

Which brings me back to video games. My son is now creating his own virtual worlds, and is working toward applying his artistic and computer skills toward a “real” job. It's the only thing he is truly comfortable with, as far as job prospects go, and I think he will be excellent in any open-minded company.

And there is a social network among video gamers, who are able to express themselves fully. Creating a male character, when you were born female, allows others to see you exactly how you see yourself, without explanation.

So, parents of trans kids, when your child is acting “inappropriately”, it may be that they are just doing the best they can to protect themselves, harness their emotions, and gain some control over their own world. Maybe playing video games  helps them, at least temporarily, to create their own safe environment, and allow them to find their own courage to carry on in the real world.

Lee

* I use the term reality loosely, as a reference to what others perceive as the world in which they want us to live.

Community Support!

Hi All,

It's been a busy few months, and spring is finally here! Time to do some cleaning here on the blog, so things may be moved around a bit in the near future, but fear not, I'm determined to find new and exciting information to share!

Sharing among our community is very important, so that is what I shall do tonight.

First, I want to share that I am very excited to have begun the process to become a licensed foster care home for LGBTQ youth in need. I have completed the training and am on my way to completing the mountains of paperwork that go along with it. It turns out that there are many transgender, or non-gender conforming youth right here in our area who are homeless, and it just breaks my heart to think of ANY child being homeless, so I'm very much looking forward to helping even one child along their path of self discovery.

So, with that said, I realize that support for our trans kids from the community can make or break us.

I was fortunate in that when my son first transitioned, our immediate neighborhood was very supportive, as was his school. Sadly that isn't always the case, and I was reminded of that in quite a shocking way very recently.

Someone who I consider a dear friend, whom I've known for over 20 years, someone who's known most of my kids since they were babies, called me out on my parenting, because I allowed my son to transition.

Feeling that I had education and experience on my side, I didn't hesitate to volley his questions and accusations, but after a while, it just wore me down. The mother bear in me just felt cornered and I wanted to give up. After being questioned about why I allowed my son to choose his gender, I used my Hail Mary and asked my best friend, point blank..."And at what point did you choose to be gay?"

So I dodged the fatal bullet there, but I came home thinking a lot about other parents who may have had similar experiences. We're not really a large family, and we don't attend church services, nor are we very involved in our new community (yet), but I had to wonder...

What is it like for a family with a transgender child, when they DO have those connections? I know it's difficult enough dealing with school, and immediate family can be a pain, (not to make light of that at all) but how does a family cope with questions they may encounter from their community? Even grocery shopping can have it's pitfalls, just encountering people on a daily basis can be tiring, but what happens when someone actually starts to call into question your ability to raise your children? Your decision making? Your sanity?

I'm so grateful that there are resources on the internet, where I could share my concerns and receive such positive feedback, but it seems there's a lack of conversation about this issue in general.

 I wish there was a set of flash cards to use in response to some of the crazy stuff we'll face as parents of trans kids. I don't like confrontation, and although I consider myself very well educated in the transgender realms of society, biology, physiology, etc. I often find myself at a complete loss for words, when faced with either religious proselytizing or just downright stupidity.

I guess I'm lucky that it was my dear old friend who challenged me first, and maybe it was just good practice for what's yet to come.

Lee

Happy Birthday!

Well it's a belated post, but my dear son is no longer a teen. He turned 20 recently and Wow! What a difference from that confused 7th grader that I feared for. So to him I say Happy Birthday, I'm so glad to have you in my life.

This post isn't as much to you moms and dads, although I'm hopeful that you'll appreciate this at some point, but to you young folks out there who are in the process of transition.

My son doesn't "identify" as trans, he's just a boy, as he's always known he was. And I may be unusual in that my acceptance of that fact was just about immediate.  I firmly believe that parents have an intuitive knowledge about their children, and I think that parents know about these things probably way before you do, but it's often the case that they can't, or won't, believe it.

So I say to you, this is not your fault, and this is not your responsibility.

Your parents have a choice, whereas you do not.  They can accept you, they can question you or they can abandon you. My hope is that all human beings will do the very best they can for their children, but sometimes, they fail. They are human, after all.

So I want you to know that there are people out there who DO accept you, who love you exactly the way you are, and who are ready and willing to offer help if you need it. Please reach out before it's too late,
I want to take a moment to mention a lovely young girl, Taylor Alesana, whose YouTube channel I had found a while back and was inspired by her courage and spirit. Sadly, she did not have the support she needed, and ended her life this month. A little spark has gone from this world, and she will be greatly missed.

I recently found a wonderful man, Reverend Robert Teszlewicz, who is a great advocate for transgender youth. He shares his love for all humanity, no matter what the condition and he offers great hope to us all And you can find his videos that address specifically trans youth and their parents here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwGe35ZfUcU

Thank you Reverend, for all that you do to support our LGBT youth.

We are all concerned about the high suicide rate for young trans people, and there are some foster care agencies who deal specifically with LGBTQIA youth. So if you are in a very bad situation, please reach out to your local resource agency, for a referral to a safe home.

I have also opened up this blog to moderated comments, so if you need help, please feel free to reach out and I will do my best to find resources in your area.

Hang tough, you are perfect, just the way you are.


Lee

Thank you Jesus, for my transgender son

     So there's been  a lot of controversy with the recent passage of the Religious Freedom Act in Indiana, and it's given me a lot to think about. It's made me angry, it's made me sad, but mostly it's made me grateful that I have a beautiful relationship with my transgender son, and I still have a beautiful relationship with my God.

I grew up in a very strict Roman Catholic family, I attended church every Sunday and holiday, I sang in the choir, I even went to Catholic school. The kind with Nuns. I loved the nuns who cooked our lunch, especially, but I also loved Jesus, and from what I learned he was a very loving guy. Not the "fire and brimstone" kind of stuff that self proclaimed "Christians" spew these days, but a gentle, understanding man who yearned to bring ultimate peace and love to our world.

I won't go into all the reasons I believe that Jesus doesn't "hate" certain groups, because I know that there's plenty of folks out there with false interpretations of the bible who can argue with me. It's just MY belief. Oh, and I also happen to be a practicing Pagan, with the Stregherian tradition running long in my Italian heritage, and the ancient Celtic and Druidic traditions on the Irish side.

I guess you could say I represent a little bit of America, the great melting pot of all ethnicities and faiths. My children are also representative of the great diversity in this country, especially my transgender son.

He was my beautiful but sad daughter for nearly 16 years. I never could truly work out what was wrong but I knew it was something pretty powerful. I knew that prayer wouldn't fix it, I knew that punishment wouldn't do it either. I figured it was a period of typical teen angst and it would go away. I'm so glad it didn't. And I'm so glad that I was taught to love unconditionally.

He "came out" as transgender several months after he saved my life. During a brutal domestic violence assault, I had been beaten nearly to unconsciousness, and he jumped between me and my assailant and covered my head and my body with his. I could feel the blows of fists vibrate through  his ribs and into my back.  I also felt his strength and love and it's what helped me survive. He was only a 15 year old girl then. He saved my life that day.

So how, then could I give anything but love and support to him when he finally felt ready to reveal his true self to me? "This is my child", I've said. "You don't just throw them away because they're different." is the explanation I've tried to give to my doubtful family members. I know they don't get it, I understand that my 93 year old mother was brought up in a very different time with a very different set of ideals. But she's also the one who taught me that Jesus is LOVE. I just wish she could remember that now.  I wish all those self proclaimed Christians, who use the bible to spread their bigotry and hatred,  would remember that, too.

Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the most perfect son, who was born exactly as he should be.


Lee

"Transparent" worth watching!

Hi folks, just wanted to pop in and say hello and recommend that you watch the Golden Globe winning series "transparent" on amazon.com. Amazon is offering it for free this weekend, 1/24/15

It's not so much about the transgender father, played gloriously by Jeffrey Tambor, but more about normal dysfunctional human lives, and there's probably not a character to which we can't relate.

I urge all family and friends of trans people to watch it, you may see a bit of yourself in the series.

Peace and Love to all,

Lee