Well it's a belated post, but my dear son is no longer a teen. He turned 20 recently and Wow! What a difference from that confused 7th grader that I feared for. So to him I say Happy Birthday, I'm so glad to have you in my life.
This post isn't as much to you moms and dads, although I'm hopeful that you'll appreciate this at some point, but to you young folks out there who are in the process of transition.
My son doesn't "identify" as trans, he's just a boy, as he's always known he was. And I may be unusual in that my acceptance of that fact was just about immediate. I firmly believe that parents have an intuitive knowledge about their children, and I think that parents know about these things probably way before you do, but it's often the case that they can't, or won't, believe it.
So I say to you, this is not your fault, and this is not your responsibility.
Your parents have a choice, whereas you do not. They can accept you, they can question you or they can abandon you. My hope is that all human beings will do the very best they can for their children, but sometimes, they fail. They are human, after all.
So I want you to know that there are people out there who DO accept you, who love you exactly the way you are, and who are ready and willing to offer help if you need it. Please reach out before it's too late,
I want to take a moment to mention a lovely young girl, Taylor Alesana, whose YouTube channel I had found a while back and was inspired by her courage and spirit. Sadly, she did not have the support she needed, and ended her life this month. A little spark has gone from this world, and she will be greatly missed.
I recently found a wonderful man, Reverend Robert Teszlewicz, who is a great advocate for transgender youth. He shares his love for all humanity, no matter what the condition and he offers great hope to us all And you can find his videos that address specifically trans youth and their parents here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwGe35ZfUcU
Thank you Reverend, for all that you do to support our LGBT youth.
We are all concerned about the high suicide rate for young trans people, and there are some foster care agencies who deal specifically with LGBTQIA youth. So if you are in a very bad situation, please reach out to your local resource agency, for a referral to a safe home.
I have also opened up this blog to moderated comments, so if you need help, please feel free to reach out and I will do my best to find resources in your area.
Hang tough, you are perfect, just the way you are.
Lee
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Thank you Jesus, for my transgender son
So there's been a lot of controversy with the recent passage of the Religious Freedom Act in Indiana, and it's given me a lot to think about. It's made me angry, it's made me sad, but mostly it's made me grateful that I have a beautiful relationship with my transgender son, and I still have a beautiful relationship with my God.
I grew up in a very strict Roman Catholic family, I attended church every Sunday and holiday, I sang in the choir, I even went to Catholic school. The kind with Nuns. I loved the nuns who cooked our lunch, especially, but I also loved Jesus, and from what I learned he was a very loving guy. Not the "fire and brimstone" kind of stuff that self proclaimed "Christians" spew these days, but a gentle, understanding man who yearned to bring ultimate peace and love to our world.
I won't go into all the reasons I believe that Jesus doesn't "hate" certain groups, because I know that there's plenty of folks out there with false interpretations of the bible who can argue with me. It's just MY belief. Oh, and I also happen to be a practicing Pagan, with the Stregherian tradition running long in my Italian heritage, and the ancient Celtic and Druidic traditions on the Irish side.
I guess you could say I represent a little bit of America, the great melting pot of all ethnicities and faiths. My children are also representative of the great diversity in this country, especially my transgender son.
He was my beautiful but sad daughter for nearly 16 years. I never could truly work out what was wrong but I knew it was something pretty powerful. I knew that prayer wouldn't fix it, I knew that punishment wouldn't do it either. I figured it was a period of typical teen angst and it would go away. I'm so glad it didn't. And I'm so glad that I was taught to love unconditionally.
He "came out" as transgender several months after he saved my life. During a brutal domestic violence assault, I had been beaten nearly to unconsciousness, and he jumped between me and my assailant and covered my head and my body with his. I could feel the blows of fists vibrate through his ribs and into my back. I also felt his strength and love and it's what helped me survive. He was only a 15 year old girl then. He saved my life that day.
So how, then could I give anything but love and support to him when he finally felt ready to reveal his true self to me? "This is my child", I've said. "You don't just throw them away because they're different." is the explanation I've tried to give to my doubtful family members. I know they don't get it, I understand that my 93 year old mother was brought up in a very different time with a very different set of ideals. But she's also the one who taught me that Jesus is LOVE. I just wish she could remember that now. I wish all those self proclaimed Christians, who use the bible to spread their bigotry and hatred, would remember that, too.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the most perfect son, who was born exactly as he should be.
Lee
I grew up in a very strict Roman Catholic family, I attended church every Sunday and holiday, I sang in the choir, I even went to Catholic school. The kind with Nuns. I loved the nuns who cooked our lunch, especially, but I also loved Jesus, and from what I learned he was a very loving guy. Not the "fire and brimstone" kind of stuff that self proclaimed "Christians" spew these days, but a gentle, understanding man who yearned to bring ultimate peace and love to our world.
I won't go into all the reasons I believe that Jesus doesn't "hate" certain groups, because I know that there's plenty of folks out there with false interpretations of the bible who can argue with me. It's just MY belief. Oh, and I also happen to be a practicing Pagan, with the Stregherian tradition running long in my Italian heritage, and the ancient Celtic and Druidic traditions on the Irish side.
I guess you could say I represent a little bit of America, the great melting pot of all ethnicities and faiths. My children are also representative of the great diversity in this country, especially my transgender son.
He was my beautiful but sad daughter for nearly 16 years. I never could truly work out what was wrong but I knew it was something pretty powerful. I knew that prayer wouldn't fix it, I knew that punishment wouldn't do it either. I figured it was a period of typical teen angst and it would go away. I'm so glad it didn't. And I'm so glad that I was taught to love unconditionally.
He "came out" as transgender several months after he saved my life. During a brutal domestic violence assault, I had been beaten nearly to unconsciousness, and he jumped between me and my assailant and covered my head and my body with his. I could feel the blows of fists vibrate through his ribs and into my back. I also felt his strength and love and it's what helped me survive. He was only a 15 year old girl then. He saved my life that day.
So how, then could I give anything but love and support to him when he finally felt ready to reveal his true self to me? "This is my child", I've said. "You don't just throw them away because they're different." is the explanation I've tried to give to my doubtful family members. I know they don't get it, I understand that my 93 year old mother was brought up in a very different time with a very different set of ideals. But she's also the one who taught me that Jesus is LOVE. I just wish she could remember that now. I wish all those self proclaimed Christians, who use the bible to spread their bigotry and hatred, would remember that, too.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me the most perfect son, who was born exactly as he should be.
Lee
Sunday, January 25, 2015
"Transparent" worth watching!
Hi folks, just wanted to pop in and say hello and recommend that you watch the Golden Globe winning series "transparent" on amazon.com. Amazon is offering it for free this weekend, 1/24/15
It's not so much about the transgender father, played gloriously by Jeffrey Tambor, but more about normal dysfunctional human lives, and there's probably not a character to which we can't relate.
I urge all family and friends of trans people to watch it, you may see a bit of yourself in the series.
Peace and Love to all,
Lee
Thursday, June 5, 2014
A Year Later...
Wow! What a difference a year makes!
I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated this page, but things have been going so well for my son since we met our new Endocrinologist, (we call him Dr. Matt) He reminds us of the 10th Dr. Who, and he's AMAZING.
So Dr. Matt did a thorough exam of my son (and used all the proper pronouns when addressing him) and deemed him ready for Testosterone. He has been taking injections now since October of last year. Yes, he does the injections himself, which I find very brave, but the only hiccup we've had is in getting the pharmacy to give us the right gauge of needles. It's a tricky scenario...the needles for injection are too thin to draw the thick fluid from the vial, so he has to use a large gauge needle (18) to draw the fluid, and then switch to a smaller gauge (22) for the injection. And they should both be 1.5 inch, which they very seldom are, and if they're too short, the T just squirts back out...ew.
BUT, we found that switching pharmacies was just as helpful as switching physicians, and CVS is now in charge of our needle prescriptions. Thank you CVS! (note that the syringes are covered by our insurance, but the testosterone is not, that cost is about $100 for a six month supply) *Edit! Our Endo was kind enough to break up the prescriptions into smaller amounts, so we now get two 3ml vials every two months with a cost of $25. That is a BIG help, and since it seems, over time that the injections can be done every two weeks, its a huge savings.*
So that's the general gist of what's happened over the past year, as far as mundane things.
NOW, I want to share with you a parent's perspective on the effects of hormone therapy on your child. Be prepared, because everyone is different, but my son changed almost over night after beginning Testosterone therapy. He is keeping a video blog, and it's amazing how his voice even changed in just a few months. He now has a regular mustache, which he shaves (that was fun, picking out razors!) but somehow at least a third of the general public either mistake him for a female. This I don't understand because his legs are as hairy as a gorilla....*sigh*
So we ignore people who don't understand, and continue to love the people who do. Aside from the voice change, and body hair, he's really begun to change shape, as well. His shoulders are a bit bulkier, and his weight around the butt has moved up a bit (I like to joke he has a beer belly). At 19, he looks rather like a 15 yr. old boy, but he's always been very young looking, which I attribute to great genes.
The bottom line is, I have a MUCH happier child, who's still learning to deal with life as a 'different' gender, but all in all I think it was the best thing I could have ever done, to support him and help him be the person he truly wants to be. Isn't that really what our job is all about?
Love to all,
Lee
I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated this page, but things have been going so well for my son since we met our new Endocrinologist, (we call him Dr. Matt) He reminds us of the 10th Dr. Who, and he's AMAZING.
So Dr. Matt did a thorough exam of my son (and used all the proper pronouns when addressing him) and deemed him ready for Testosterone. He has been taking injections now since October of last year. Yes, he does the injections himself, which I find very brave, but the only hiccup we've had is in getting the pharmacy to give us the right gauge of needles. It's a tricky scenario...the needles for injection are too thin to draw the thick fluid from the vial, so he has to use a large gauge needle (18) to draw the fluid, and then switch to a smaller gauge (22) for the injection. And they should both be 1.5 inch, which they very seldom are, and if they're too short, the T just squirts back out...ew.
BUT, we found that switching pharmacies was just as helpful as switching physicians, and CVS is now in charge of our needle prescriptions. Thank you CVS! (note that the syringes are covered by our insurance, but the testosterone is not, that cost is about $100 for a six month supply) *Edit! Our Endo was kind enough to break up the prescriptions into smaller amounts, so we now get two 3ml vials every two months with a cost of $25. That is a BIG help, and since it seems, over time that the injections can be done every two weeks, its a huge savings.*
So that's the general gist of what's happened over the past year, as far as mundane things.
NOW, I want to share with you a parent's perspective on the effects of hormone therapy on your child. Be prepared, because everyone is different, but my son changed almost over night after beginning Testosterone therapy. He is keeping a video blog, and it's amazing how his voice even changed in just a few months. He now has a regular mustache, which he shaves (that was fun, picking out razors!) but somehow at least a third of the general public either mistake him for a female. This I don't understand because his legs are as hairy as a gorilla....*sigh*
So we ignore people who don't understand, and continue to love the people who do. Aside from the voice change, and body hair, he's really begun to change shape, as well. His shoulders are a bit bulkier, and his weight around the butt has moved up a bit (I like to joke he has a beer belly). At 19, he looks rather like a 15 yr. old boy, but he's always been very young looking, which I attribute to great genes.
The bottom line is, I have a MUCH happier child, who's still learning to deal with life as a 'different' gender, but all in all I think it was the best thing I could have ever done, to support him and help him be the person he truly wants to be. Isn't that really what our job is all about?
Love to all,
Lee
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The Medical Conundrum
As you will see in future posts, the task of obtaining help from your medical community can be a daunting one. We thought we pretty much had everything figured out and today we were excited to finally meet with a new healthcare provider who was our hope for solutions.
We made progress, in a way, but it wasn't all that we'd hoped for.
Our new practitioner (not an MD) was to perform a thorough physical exam on my son. I had scheduled this appointment months earlier and was very specific as to why he needed the exam. He was ready to start Testosterone treatments, and having turned 18, no longer needed to travel the 2 1/2 hours to the nearest Children's Hospital. He had completed the required psychological exams and counseling, and we figured it would be pretty straightforward- physical exam, referral to an Endocrinologist, blood work, etc., ultimately leading to a prescription in hand.
Well, unfortunately for us, the Physician's Assistant knew as much about Transgender people as I know about rocket science. I could see this was going to be an opportunity to lead her into a brave new world, and hoped that she would come along happily. When she was finished with my son's exam, she came to find me and give me a brief report. The first time the PA referred to my son as "she", I knew we were in trouble.
(I should mention that the medical records state that he is a Male, and that there's a note in his medical records which reflect the fact that he is transgender and no longer uses his previous name.) We decided that in order to continue routine exams which may be needed, we'll need to seek out another physician.
We previously had a great PA right nearby who was new to treating trans patients, but very eager to learn all she could, we only sought a new practitioner because our old one moved away.
On a positive note, we did get a referral to an endocrinologist, and have to wait only another 3 weeks to see him. We're hopeful that he will have a little more information and be able to order the necessary tests and get us that prized prescription.
Wish us Luck!
Lee
We made progress, in a way, but it wasn't all that we'd hoped for.
Our new practitioner (not an MD) was to perform a thorough physical exam on my son. I had scheduled this appointment months earlier and was very specific as to why he needed the exam. He was ready to start Testosterone treatments, and having turned 18, no longer needed to travel the 2 1/2 hours to the nearest Children's Hospital. He had completed the required psychological exams and counseling, and we figured it would be pretty straightforward- physical exam, referral to an Endocrinologist, blood work, etc., ultimately leading to a prescription in hand.
Well, unfortunately for us, the Physician's Assistant knew as much about Transgender people as I know about rocket science. I could see this was going to be an opportunity to lead her into a brave new world, and hoped that she would come along happily. When she was finished with my son's exam, she came to find me and give me a brief report. The first time the PA referred to my son as "she", I knew we were in trouble.
(I should mention that the medical records state that he is a Male, and that there's a note in his medical records which reflect the fact that he is transgender and no longer uses his previous name.) We decided that in order to continue routine exams which may be needed, we'll need to seek out another physician.
We previously had a great PA right nearby who was new to treating trans patients, but very eager to learn all she could, we only sought a new practitioner because our old one moved away.
On a positive note, we did get a referral to an endocrinologist, and have to wait only another 3 weeks to see him. We're hopeful that he will have a little more information and be able to order the necessary tests and get us that prized prescription.
Wish us Luck!
Lee
Welcome to My World!
Hello! If you have found this blog, it is likely because you are a parent to a Transgender child, or know someone who is. You may have questions or concerns, or you may want to know more about what it means to parent a trans child. Either way, I'm glad you found me! As this blog is in it's infancy, please bear with me while I work to catch up on all the progress so far.
I'm a mom to a FTM (female to male) transgender teen. I have been trying to help my son through the process for just over two years now, and I can tell you from experience that it's NOT easy! Even if you're 100% on board with your child's identity, it can be a long road for both you and your child, but you are definitely not alone.
So sit back, relax, grab a cup of herbal tea, and join us on our wonderful journey. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me and I will do my best to give you the best information I have.
Lee
I'm a mom to a FTM (female to male) transgender teen. I have been trying to help my son through the process for just over two years now, and I can tell you from experience that it's NOT easy! Even if you're 100% on board with your child's identity, it can be a long road for both you and your child, but you are definitely not alone.
So sit back, relax, grab a cup of herbal tea, and join us on our wonderful journey. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me and I will do my best to give you the best information I have.
Lee
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