Are you ready to parent a transgender child?

So I've recently seen quite a few parents deal with the very early stages of transition for their children. And I had to wonder, if you all knew what you were getting into? I think we're never prepared for every little glitch along the way, but I thought it might be a good idea to offer some food for thought.

You may want to ask yourself, first, how committed you are to supporting your child's transition;

*Are you able/willing to seek out a counselor who has solid experience with transgender issues? Will you be able to travel if they're not local? Is it affordable? Most good therapists will recommend that your child live as their preferred gender for a year, and continue counseling throughout that period, before referring them to an endocrinologist.

*Is there an experienced endocrinologist in your area? Is it affordable? Hormone therapy is generally not covered by insurance for the purpose of treating gender dysphoria. Even some of the lab tests are not covered, and can be very pricey.

*Hormones; Is your child willing to self inject the hormones every week for the rest of their lives? Is it affordable? We are lucky to have a doc who prescribes smaller amounts of testosterone every few months so it's not a big hit, but generally a six month dose costs around $100 in the U.S. The needles, however, are covered.

And that's just the nuts-and-bolts of it.

After that first year, and upon receiving hormone treatment, you may be faced with a legal name change, change in social security cards, school records, etc. etc.

Then there's the transition itself. Are you able to accept that your child is no longer a boy/girl? Are you able to gain acceptance from your family, friends and community? What will life look like a year from now? Two? Twenty?

If it sounds like I'm being negative about the process, trust me I am not. I am, however, hoping that parents will think very carefully about their OWN situation, as well as their child's. I think all too often we neglect our own needs and abilities in an effort to be a good, supportive parent to our kids, no matter who they are, or who they want to be.

Please check out my "resources" tab, for links to info and sites that you may find useful.

Best of luck on your journey together!

Lee

Must See Video!

Sam Killermann of Guidetogender.com has an excellent Ted Talk video, that is a "must see" for, well just about everyone.
It's not only very informative, but highly entertaining as well.

Watch it here http://www.guidetogender.com/2013/10/15/my-tedxtalk-understanding-the-complexities-of-gender-with-full-transcript/

Spring Cleaning!

I've refreshed the blog with a lighter theme, hopefully to make it more reader-friendly. I have also made it possible to post moderated comments without having a google account, and added the ability to follow this blog via your email. I hope this makes it a bit easier for everyone to stay in touch. Thanks for visiting!

Lee

Can we, should we- create our own reality?

Or...Why it's OK to let our kids create their own.

I'm noticing many parents of transgender kids worrying that their children suffer from depression, anxiety, even self harm, and they describe many of the same behaviours that my son displays. Keeping to themselves, wanting to stay in their room, not having a social life, a job, a drivers license.

And I wonder what percentage of them play video games? And here's why.

I too suffer from depression and anxiety, and I think I've discovered why. I think too much, and I feel too much. And sometimes the world just takes too much courage to confront, and “reality”* just tears out my heart. It makes me sad, it makes me angry, and sometimes just downright too tired to care.

People laugh when I tell them I'm a video game addict. After all, I'm a Mom with three grown children. They don't believe me, or they think I have some serious mental health issues. Well, maybe the latter is true. But escaping to the virtual realms in games like World of Warcraft, or Skyrim, not only offer me a break from the everyday world, but allows me to be in charge of my existence in that virtual world. And that kind of power can restore some of the courage that I need to face the challenges of every day “reality”.

So I wonder, since almost every person I've met in the LGBT community, particularly transgender people, are some of the most highly intelligent, sensitive and creative people...can their uniqueness actually be a result of their greater sense of self?

I know this is dangerous water I'm treading, but if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I realize that my son, who is transgender, has a far superior ability to regulate his emotional state than I do. He knows when to shut out the “real world” and soothe his anxiety in the most positive way. He is more self aware than any other “normal adult” that he's expected to emulate. And I have to question if even his discovery of his gender identity was predetermined simply because of his creative mind?

Which brings me back to video games. My son is now creating his own virtual worlds, and is working toward applying his artistic and computer skills toward a “real” job. It's the only thing he is truly comfortable with, as far as job prospects go, and I think he will be excellent in any open-minded company.

And there is a social network among video gamers, who are able to express themselves fully. Creating a male character, when you were born female, allows others to see you exactly how you see yourself, without explanation.

So, parents of trans kids, when your child is acting “inappropriately”, it may be that they are just doing the best they can to protect themselves, harness their emotions, and gain some control over their own world. Maybe playing video games  helps them, at least temporarily, to create their own safe environment, and allow them to find their own courage to carry on in the real world.

Lee

* I use the term reality loosely, as a reference to what others perceive as the world in which they want us to live.

Community Support!

Hi All,

It's been a busy few months, and spring is finally here! Time to do some cleaning here on the blog, so things may be moved around a bit in the near future, but fear not, I'm determined to find new and exciting information to share!

Sharing among our community is very important, so that is what I shall do tonight.

First, I want to share that I am very excited to have begun the process to become a licensed foster care home for LGBTQ youth in need. I have completed the training and am on my way to completing the mountains of paperwork that go along with it. It turns out that there are many transgender, or non-gender conforming youth right here in our area who are homeless, and it just breaks my heart to think of ANY child being homeless, so I'm very much looking forward to helping even one child along their path of self discovery.

So, with that said, I realize that support for our trans kids from the community can make or break us.

I was fortunate in that when my son first transitioned, our immediate neighborhood was very supportive, as was his school. Sadly that isn't always the case, and I was reminded of that in quite a shocking way very recently.

Someone who I consider a dear friend, whom I've known for over 20 years, someone who's known most of my kids since they were babies, called me out on my parenting, because I allowed my son to transition.

Feeling that I had education and experience on my side, I didn't hesitate to volley his questions and accusations, but after a while, it just wore me down. The mother bear in me just felt cornered and I wanted to give up. After being questioned about why I allowed my son to choose his gender, I used my Hail Mary and asked my best friend, point blank..."And at what point did you choose to be gay?"

So I dodged the fatal bullet there, but I came home thinking a lot about other parents who may have had similar experiences. We're not really a large family, and we don't attend church services, nor are we very involved in our new community (yet), but I had to wonder...

What is it like for a family with a transgender child, when they DO have those connections? I know it's difficult enough dealing with school, and immediate family can be a pain, (not to make light of that at all) but how does a family cope with questions they may encounter from their community? Even grocery shopping can have it's pitfalls, just encountering people on a daily basis can be tiring, but what happens when someone actually starts to call into question your ability to raise your children? Your decision making? Your sanity?

I'm so grateful that there are resources on the internet, where I could share my concerns and receive such positive feedback, but it seems there's a lack of conversation about this issue in general.

 I wish there was a set of flash cards to use in response to some of the crazy stuff we'll face as parents of trans kids. I don't like confrontation, and although I consider myself very well educated in the transgender realms of society, biology, physiology, etc. I often find myself at a complete loss for words, when faced with either religious proselytizing or just downright stupidity.

I guess I'm lucky that it was my dear old friend who challenged me first, and maybe it was just good practice for what's yet to come.

Lee