Can we, should we- create our own reality?

Or...Why it's OK to let our kids create their own.

I'm noticing many parents of transgender kids worrying that their children suffer from depression, anxiety, even self harm, and they describe many of the same behaviours that my son displays. Keeping to themselves, wanting to stay in their room, not having a social life, a job, a drivers license.

And I wonder what percentage of them play video games? And here's why.

I too suffer from depression and anxiety, and I think I've discovered why. I think too much, and I feel too much. And sometimes the world just takes too much courage to confront, and “reality”* just tears out my heart. It makes me sad, it makes me angry, and sometimes just downright too tired to care.

People laugh when I tell them I'm a video game addict. After all, I'm a Mom with three grown children. They don't believe me, or they think I have some serious mental health issues. Well, maybe the latter is true. But escaping to the virtual realms in games like World of Warcraft, or Skyrim, not only offer me a break from the everyday world, but allows me to be in charge of my existence in that virtual world. And that kind of power can restore some of the courage that I need to face the challenges of every day “reality”.

So I wonder, since almost every person I've met in the LGBT community, particularly transgender people, are some of the most highly intelligent, sensitive and creative people...can their uniqueness actually be a result of their greater sense of self?

I know this is dangerous water I'm treading, but if I'm perfectly honest with myself, I realize that my son, who is transgender, has a far superior ability to regulate his emotional state than I do. He knows when to shut out the “real world” and soothe his anxiety in the most positive way. He is more self aware than any other “normal adult” that he's expected to emulate. And I have to question if even his discovery of his gender identity was predetermined simply because of his creative mind?

Which brings me back to video games. My son is now creating his own virtual worlds, and is working toward applying his artistic and computer skills toward a “real” job. It's the only thing he is truly comfortable with, as far as job prospects go, and I think he will be excellent in any open-minded company.

And there is a social network among video gamers, who are able to express themselves fully. Creating a male character, when you were born female, allows others to see you exactly how you see yourself, without explanation.

So, parents of trans kids, when your child is acting “inappropriately”, it may be that they are just doing the best they can to protect themselves, harness their emotions, and gain some control over their own world. Maybe playing video games  helps them, at least temporarily, to create their own safe environment, and allow them to find their own courage to carry on in the real world.

Lee

* I use the term reality loosely, as a reference to what others perceive as the world in which they want us to live.